Protect Yourself

“#ProtectYourself2017”

By: Kayla Denise Thomas

Have any of you heard the song “I Know” by Big Sean and Jhene Aiko? How about “Take Care” by Drake and Rihanna? Well, whether you have or not, turn it on and grab your favorite type of tea (I prefer Green Tea with Pomegranate), turn one or both on and let’s have a talk.

Now, it is 2017, we are fresh into a new year and we are all grown here right? Alright, so why are some people out here still playing games?

When I say playing games, I wish I was talking about a friendly game of Uno but I’m not. Why are people out here playing games with people’s hearts, emotions, time, etc? Why is that still a thing?

Although it’s well into January, pretty much mid-month, I’m still seeing the hashtags #WasteHisTime2017 and #WasteHerTime2017 floating around the social media networks. Really? Why is this still going around?

Apparently to some this is just good fun, a good read, or just humorous. Not going to lie, when I watched Alonzo Lerone’s video from last year on the “Waste His Time” thing I found it funny for a little bit but then it started to set in, why is this really going around?

Then it donned on me, some people actually think these are some good ideas to mess with men and women this way. Some people are actually taking these as pointers and applying them to real life, like they are a relationship teaching point.

Playing with the heart and emotions of a person is not okay. Once you start playing games, you likely won’t be able to stop. You just keep moving up in levels, making him/her feel good, making them feel special. Then you up your degree of difficulty, you start buying them things and doing all this stuff with them. Around this time, normal relationships take it to the next level, but not with these game players. These game players then cheat, do or say something and then follow it with one or more of the following phrases.

“We aren’t serious.”

“You aren’t the only one.”

“You aren’t my main.”

“You aren’t my girlfriend/boyfriend.”

“What you thought I was going to be your man/woman?”

I think you guys get the picture.

Why do people honestly think these games are cool? Seriously, I would love to know. Maybe not always, but in many cases, this begins a domino effect. When you play with a person, that person will feel like it will always happen. Then that person will think, “If they can play, I can play too.” Maybe not in those exact words, but they may start to dabble in playing. Next thing you know, when it comes to their next attempt at an actual relationship, they will probably have a couple of people on the side so if the next person plays them or screw up they can just go on to the next one. Now, I know you guys don’t all want to be nothing but side pieces in life. Stop playing around with these people!

Being played by someone can hurt like no other. It can put you in the state of mind that it will always happen or that there is no person out there for you. It can make you so hesitant that when you do find someone who could possibly be good for you, you can’t open up, because the last time you did you were hurt.

Sadly, this happens so much nowadays because everyone is out to protect themselves but also have the benefits of being in a relationship. My mom and I describe it as, “Everyone wants to play house, but not everyone wants to build a foundation.” I’m no relationship expert by no means and I’m not perfect, I’ve had my fair share of players coming my way, but you eventually have to pick yourself up and move on.

Now moving on isn’t always about immediately moving on to the next romantic relationship but moving into a loving relationship with yourself. After something like this, you need to remind yourself how in love you are with YOU. You have to love yourself so much that you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love me, and because I love me, I’m going to take care of me first before seeking someone else that can love me.” Go on a relationship fast and devote yourself to all the things that make you happy and when you do try again, find someone who is willing to build that foundation with you and not just play House.

The time for playing House is over guys, we aren’t in kindergarten anymore. Many of us are trailblazing our own paths and are looking for someone to build with us. If you want to play games, pick up a controller but don’t pick up hearts.

Cuffing Season Is Here

Oh, October how you are here and of course this means cuffing season is here! The dreaded cuffing season. The time of year where everyone is searching for someone just to snuggle up with during the fall and winter. The time of year where men/women whom you haven’t heard from all summer begin to pop up and hit you with the infamous line “hey stranger”. The same line that leads to “Netflix and chill”. The same line that leads people to believe the whole summer, I didn’t hear from you was by mistake, because you popped up right on time for “cuffing season”.

The time of the year where people come around because the holidays are coming into play and they would like a gift or a Thanksgiving invite. I have been seeing a lot of post related to significant others or even the cuddle buddy application, which is floating all around. Let me tell you something DON’T FALL FOR IT! I REPEAT DO NOT FALL FOR IT! Do not let people who waited until the temperature dropped come back into your life. Do not let these toxic people who are clearly coming back into your life for there own personal gain back into your space. Granted most will fall for it anyway, I have fallen for it too, but that doesn’t mean keep falling for it though. Lets be real cuffing season is all year long if you want to be honest! People just pick and choose who they want to cuff in public and behind closed doors (side eye).

I know at the beginning of the post your like but you said “cuffing season” just started in October. Yes, I did say that, but there is a but to the term. Cuffing period is a fraudulent term for a make believe relationship. The make believe relationship where people who are in so-called relationships are just in them just to say they have someone. People are getting mistreated, used, abused etc. just so they can say they have someone. People are settling for less and talking themselves down just so they can say they have a significant other. I’ve been there done that and it gets old, eventually you have to ask yourself aren’t I worth more than the treatment I am receiving. When do you tell yourself I am worth more than this and I deserve better. I understand people have past hurts and pain but when you date or court someone you’re not dating the old them you are dating the current them. You are not dating them for what has happened to them, but who they are now at this moment. Ladies and Gentlemen don’t fall into the trap that as long as I have someone I am okay. Having someone just to say I am “cuffed” or I am “cuffing” is not the same as having a relationship a real one at least. Your just putting on a show for IG, Facebook, Tumbler, and every other social network that lets you post.

Yes, I am single. No, this is not a rant. No, I am not angry at someone. Yes, I have been in each situation it is what it is. Yes, my feelings have been hurt its life.
I just understand going into the future to see the good in everyone and everything. I understand that people are not their situations and people are not what has happened to them. Which gives everyone an equal shot in my book. Yes, I mean everyone literally (laughing).

DIY Valentine’s

“DIY Valentine’s”

By: Kayla Denise Thomas

As we enter into the month of February, there is a day that many are looking forward to, Valentine’s Day.

Growing up, I was about as anti-Valentine’s Day as one could possibly be. I went through elementary doing the traditional “buy a box of valentines for the whole class” with the only person getting a real card being my best friend. As I grew up, getting into middle and high school, the school I then attended would sell “candy grams” and flowers for the students. My friends at the time and I would buy candy for each other.

It all felt like the Bachelor to me or more like the scene in Mean Girls where the guy is giving out the candy canes and Gretchen doesn’t get one. I never received that “coveted” flower.

While on the road of self-discovery, I decided that I would do something for myself. I would be my own Valentine.

While many may think this sounds self-absorbed or even just down right crazy, it’s not the wildest of notions. You should love yourself and spoil yourself every once and a while. Just because all the couples are being all lovey-dovey and everything doesn’t mean you can’t be lovey-dovey towards yourself.

Self-love is one of the best feelings you could have about yourself but of course you don’t have to just love yourself on February 14th but why not treat yourself.

1. Pamper Yourself

V-Day this year falls on a Tuesday, so if you can’t take the day off, you can do something the weekend before! Get your hair and nails done, purchase a spa package, or just do some R&R at home. Throw in a little yoga routine focusing on the heart chakra if that’s something that interests you.

1. Spoil Yourself

Something that couples and friends do for Valentine’s Day is but their person something. Why not buy yourself something? Whether it’s that pair of booties that’s been sitting in your cart on ASOS forever or maybe the latest sneakers just dropped and you just have to cop them. Go ahead!

1. Treat Yourself

Some people go out to eat for Valentine’s Day. Why not go on a date with yourself at your favorite restaurant? It’s not a bad thing to go out to eat by yourself and it’s definitely not pathetic (society sometimes thinks that but we don’t conform to society do we?) Hey, think of it this way, you don’t have to share that dessert with anyone and forget having to ask anyone for the last roll, it’s all yours!

1. “Surprise” Yourself

Who said someone else had to be the one to surprise you with flowers or chocolate. Have some flowers delivered to yourself or buy some from a market for yourself. Yeah, it sounds weird but hey, loving yourself isn’t wrong!

1. Unplug and Chill

One day of not surfing up and down your various social feeds won’t kill you. It may be a lot of the same stuff anyway! Selfies going out, couples pics, ads, and single awareness day posts. Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” and binge watch some Netflix or On Demand. I hear there is some good stuff coming to Netflix this month.

All in all, Valentine’s Day doesn’t always have to be about your love for someone else or their love for you. Sometimes you could just use a little you time. Loving you and doing you.

The Love Series: “Don’t Let The Romance Die

The Love Series: “Don’t Let The Romance Die”

By Chauncy Whaley Canady

Well we are now here its February where many are getting ready for Valentine’s Day and we all know how much that hassle can be. I want to inspire your mind, heart, and soul this month as we celebrate the “The Love Month.” In this series, I want to talk about some aspects that we need to examine to keep real love going on, because I believe why romantic relationships are dying in today’s age is the lack of love. I am not talking about gift giving love. I am taking about, I cannot live without you type of love. One thing that I feel that happens when you get comfortable in a relationship is it allows the romance to fizzle out to the point to where it dies.

When this takes place the other person that is in the union of this relationship feels like the time and effort is not in place to show the outward expression of love and concern for the relationship and when that happens all things start to go south. Many feel that romance requires a big bang of a grand event and the truth is it only requires just the simple things when you really think about it. So please today allow Dr. Whaley-Canady that is what I am calling myself all this month to help all the lovers and those who inspire to get into a relationship soon to keep that fire of romance going on.

As I stated before one of the reasons why romance dies is because people allow themselves to get comfortable in the relationship, so they think that romance is not required. My bother Charles Canady, Sr. has a saying that I always tell people and that is “Finish how your started” and that is a real fact if you were all into the romance when you were in pursuit of your partner, why you elect now to stop? The same thing that won them over you must keep that going on, because it is the essence of the spark of the relationship. Never get in your mind that romance is just for special occasion, because it is not at least once a day you should do something romantic for your love, because you never know when that person might need that moment in their life.

When you get comfortable you get relax and that will cause cracks in the relationship and you will hear an ear full of why you don’t do special things anymore. I don’t know about you but if you are on that end of the stick well you need to wake up after all of that hard work to win that special person over you just going to let the flame die. Because you think it is not needed anymore or better yet you think you have done all that needed and now you can relax? Don’t get in that mood and do not adopt that spirit.

Another reason why the romance dies and I know you might feel different but overkill. I know that is hard to process but it’s a reality and it can kill the romance. Think about this for a minute do you hate when someone puts on too much perfume or cologne because the smell is too much for the air and for you? Well that is what happens when you over romance because it kills the essence of the moment. As I have stated over again many believe that you must go all out every time to be romantic let me say this to you, that you do not have to do that all the time. Now I have been in many relationships but not many in the sense I just bounce from one to another, but I have experience and I been the one that over did things to show my love and it was to the point that I had a woman to break up with me due to that aspect of the overkill. Simple always works, but I say to you don’t always think that simple will always work occasionally, go all out once in a blue moon because the key to make romance work is suspense. Keep your partner thinking about what could happen next because I don’t know about you but the best moment in life is always a surprise.

To make your relationship grow, I say this to you “be romantic”, it really works and just don’t do it in odd phases, but do it as much you want your relationship to be and that is constant. Mix it up if needed to be but just do not allow the romance in your relationship to die, because it will cause death to the love that you have taken your time to build. You don’t have to always be smooth but always give a sense of your awareness of magic, you don’t have to always be bold but you can build a beautiful moment, you don’t always have to be charming but you can be cleaver in words. Just find what works for you so that your romance can be as original as you are. Don’t let your relationship get cold get that fire lit and just enjoy the warm embrace of your lover. One more time with me and say it like you mean it “Don’t let the Romance Die.”