Thank You LORD!
Thank You Lord! I say this with so much vigor and love in my heart. I cried out to you, and you heard me in more ways than one. I searched for you and you were right there. I needed you and you never left me. Thank You Lord!! This week, it truly dawned on me just how much God has answered my prayers. Prayers that were days old. Prayers that were months old. Shoot, prayers that were years old. God answered them in more ways than one! Oftentimes we cry out to God, and simply ask why? Why me? Why this? Why them? Just simply asking why, why, why? We get so caught up in asking why, that we miss out on the reality of the very thing we prayed for. I realized, I was asking why so much, that I didn’t even realize ALL the blessings surrounding me. The sad part, I was asking why me? The only difference was, I was asking from a place of hurt, pain and agony. The sad part is many of us have been there, and some are still there. Battling the why’s, but not seeing God in the why. Yes, we are going there today!
“ This week, it truly dawned on me just how much God has answered my prayers. Prayers that were days old. Prayers that were months old. Shoot, prayers that were years old ”
As much as I am writing this for some. I am writing this for myself as well, literally my testimony of the year. I experienced depression to a level, I couldn't see coming if someone had slapped me smooth in the face with it. I watched myself spiral down into the darkest whole I had ever been in, it was like Alice in Wonderland minus the wonderland. I kept crying out to God to pull me out of my agony, but I wouldn't trust him to fully do it. I trust him with my family and my loved ones, but yet I didn't trust him with me. Now, what does that tell you? My faith had tanked, my love had tanked, me as a whole had tanked. At one point I couldn't even say Thank You Lord, because I was so wrapped up in my pain, so wrapped up in my hurt, I couldn't even see what God was doing. ALL of my coping mechanisms didn't work anymore, they were no longer helping, but actually taking me down the whole deeper. I was searching for God in my mind, but I wasn't searching for him in my heart! The truth is I wanted a quick fix, something that would allow me to put a band aid on circumstances that required a full body cast ( head to toe ). A band aid can heal minor scrapes and bruises, but sometimes you need to be broken, you may just need that full body cast if you truly want to heal! Shortening it up for you a little bit, my depression landed me on suicide watch for a week. My depression left me isolating myself from those who loved me, even the man sleeping next to me every night. My depression left me over anxious, fearful and full of doubt. Your girl was down BAD BAD! Even though I did not understand what was taking place then, I understand now.
“ He can only take from you what you are willing to give him.”
God broke me, by reminding me who I needed in the first place and that was him. I couldn't say Thank You Lord then , but I can say Thank You Lord now. I can say it with love in my heart, because I am grateful for the change. God put the fear of him back in me the only way he knew how. God reminded me of his unconditional love. God reminded me of his mercies that are new every morning. One of the most important, he reminded me who I was with him! Who I was to him! Before I was asking why me? Now, I am asking why not me? Because I know who God says I am! I am more importantly knowing who he wants me to be, rather than who I saw at one point in time. I see what he has been trying to show me now through a sober heart, and most definitely a sober mind. Funny thing is, seeing myself sober was a true sight, but that's a conversation for another day. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see the person God wanted me to see all along. Seeing yourself the way God sees you is so much greater than the latter, I Promise. Because, he truly sees you, in your totality and he will love you through and through! Trust his promises because they hold true, day after day, and night after night!
I encourage you to seek after the one worth seeking after and that is God. Good, bad or indifferent never stop seeking. Allow him to see you in your fullness, he already does anyway. He can only take from you what you are willing to give him. Thank him daily, especially for the things you do not always understand, because he knows what he's doing ALWAYS. God is a present God at ALL TIMES, especially when we surrender it all to him. He didn't tell us we wouldn't go through anything, but he promised to be there with us through it ALL! He is a promise keeper, I can bet my life on that! Who is going to come through ten times out of ten, who knows your beginning and your end only him! Please do not get so caught up in yourself why, that you forget God's why. Gods why, will always have more clarity and make more sense than ours. You may live in your thoughts but he lives there too!