Coconut Oil For Your Future
By: The Black Bradshaw
Have you ever been in a relationship/situautionship that just didn’t make it? The one that left you without so much as an “I’m sorry.” Now, months have passed, years even and you still need closure? I’ve been there, haven’t we all?
From ninth grade till the moment I left for college, I thought I’d found “the one”. He wasn’t perfect in any way, but he was everything for me. Just as any relationship, we had our fair share of problems. He was the one, or better yet the one for now. Not even a week after I left, we grew distant then before I knew it we became, well… nothing. We just weren’t compatible anymore. For months I’d over analyzed myself, I questioned my emotions (rule number one when moving on: never question your emotions). I’d spent four years of my life with this guy, I had every right to feel every emotion. Often in break ups we question whether the love was real, we self-reflect on every waking (or sleeping) hour spent with that person. I without a doubt know what I felt for him was real and vice versa, however, just as milk spoils and tomatoes rotten, what we had expired.
I hated him. I hated him for breaking my heart. I hated him for making me question my value repeatedly. (Rule number two: NEVER QUESTION YOUR VALUE) we never closed the chapter of our story, I had so many bottled up feelings; I needed closure. Now, many people feel that needing closure references a weak person, false. Closure isn’t for anyone to validate, but you. Closure does not mean you and that person should get back together, it’s the exact opposite actually. It is the opportunity for you to tell that person “you hurt me and you don’t get to decide that. I forgive you and I wish you well.” When I finally reached out to my ex, it wasn’t for him to decide if he should apologize or not for how I felt, it was for me to have that peace I needed to move on.
Moving on is scary isn’t it? You don’t know where you’ll end or who you’ll end with. But, what you do know is, what to do differently in your next relationship. Don’t get that statement confused with going into your next relationship comparing it to your last (you know how that ended). Lately, I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone a lot. I read a quote the other day that read “if you are uncomfortable being comfortable that means you’re growing.” Rule number three: the comfort zone should never be comfortable. To be uncomfortable isn’t always a bad thing, of course not speaking in a literal sense but mental. Being uncomfortable this past year has opened many doors for me. I’m a lot more open to the new normal. I’m learning to trust more and not allow my past to affect my future.
Now, I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t leave you with a good quote to sum up my message. “If you want to know the taste of a pear, you must change the pear by eating it yourself. If you want to know the theory and methods of revolution, you must take part in revolution. All genuine knowledge originates in direct experience. – Mao Zedong” Never allow anyone to make you question your emotions. You’re human. You are entitled to how you feel 100% but also, never allow your situation to render you of a healthy, successful, drama free future.
The Black Bradshaw